Reflecting on three years ago today…
Three years.
Cup day three years ago was the day I woke up and my world was moving. The day I first experienced my symptoms that I would soon understand would plague my body. The day my fear for my health began building. It was the day everything changed.
That day is a memory. But it is also so boldly present. I can remember every part of it. I remember not being able to see straight. The spinning and floating. I remember trying to walk but falling into my hallway walls and calling out for help. I remember the intense fog and ringing in my ears. The confusion. The nausea.
As I reflect, I realise what the difference is between now and then.
Today I woke up to my friendly symptoms. The ones that are now part of a “normal” day for me. Today, I can get up slowly, take my dog outside and sit in the daylight for five minutes. I can feel the sun on my face and smile even as the squiggles and lines dance around on my eyes. I can think about the friends and family I have been able to see over the last few days and the enjoyment I got from not feeling too sick to be with them.
I can sit here and write; express what it’s like to notice the difference in myself based on time.
Today doesn’t just have to be a painful memory.
It can be a wonderful celebration. Of my progress and healing, my determination, my strength and my sheer will to fight for myself.
There is no final destination in chronic illness. It is a life, a reality. So I am acknowledging what my reality represents about me. Today shows me just how far I have come.
There is so much more to say and describe, but I think that is for me to hold on to.
So today I am celebrating – me.
A little pic of Wally and I enjoying the sunshine, toasting *grape juice* with my Mum over my progress!
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